Top 3 Lesbian Dating Tips for You Two to Consider Before You Cohabitate and Wed Each Other

All too many singles, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or straight, start their romantic relationships with exclusively considering their mutual romantic chemistry. Chemistry in a romantic relationship is, of course, essential, thank you very much.

However, when you are looking to attract, create, and nurture a life partner relationship, there is so much more involved that just sizzling mutual attraction. Am I right, or am I right?

Many couples will get to the next phase of a relationship right after that wonderful infatuation stage (caused by chemistry) has passed. And because they didn't do any relationship communication foundation building, they hit a wall, find there is no other mode of communication in their relationship, and, sadly, they break up. There is that wonderful joke from the 1980s about what does the modern lesbian bring on her first date to make it a perfect first date? Answer: A U-Haul.

But, after the first surge of chemistry and sparks on your first few dates, what other topics do the two of you want to look to discuss, surface, and investigate to form the wonderful foundation for a lasting life partner love relationship?

First Question for Couples to Consider: What Will Be Your Mutual Living Environment?

What kind of living environment do you have now, and what kind of living environment do you want in the near future - next 10 years?

Maybe you live in a metro city apartment. However, your vision and goal is to own a townhouse and to move to the suburbs. Is her vision to live further out in the country? Discuss these things, and talk about your dreams to see if they are compatible and practically aligned.

Most often, frankly, two singles' visions will be a bit different. This is not an immediate "red flag" or "sign" that you should break up and never build a deeper relationship. Instead, it offers the two of you both an opportunity to communicate and dig a bit further to see if your lives could become aligned. Maybe part of what she values about living in the country is some acreage and a garden, and you two could have that together in a small house rather than exclusively in a townhouse. Look for what is underneath her location desire.

A Good Second Question for Romantic Couples to Reflect Upon: What Will Be the Shared Lifestyle For Your Marriage Relationship?

You love Opera and hold an annual subscription for the season while she has a secret love of Country & Western music and sings karaoke once a month down at the local saloon. On the surface, OK, this is amusing and funny. You might think that your tastes are highly divergent and that you two could therefore then never share a life together. However, what you two do share is a mutual love of singing and music. See what I mean?

You would have to work things out a bit. Does she want you to join her monthly at the local bar? Couldn't you just do that and just have a fun time, cheer her on, and applaud as her #1 fan? And do you want her to accompany you maybe only 4 times a year at the Opera as your favorite escort to the Opening Night Gala, and you go with a group of your Opera loving friends the other times?

Third Important Question for Couples to Discuss: What About Your Shared Coupledom Finances?

Differing talents and strengths do attract. She might be a CPA with significant structure, strategy, and system, while you take a more laissez-faire approach. In all likelihood, she adores how you contribute a sense of fun and adventure to her life while she adds some structure and is a good sounding board, helping you to say "No" to yourself a bit more than you otherwise would. These sort of differences the two of you do need to discuss. You also need to discuss differences in income, investing, 401Ks, IRAs, and retirement plans.

Just because there are differences, those need not be points for breaking up. Rather they can serve to become points for deepening your relationship for lasting emotional intimacy on top of that marvelous physical chemistry intimacy you two share. Often our differences are what contribute to romantic chemistry.

There is so much for couples to discuss and communicate about to building lasting intimacy. These tips and topics should serve the two of you well to creating a lifetime of love together.

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Lesbian Love Triangle

My girlfriend is going to skin me alive after she reads this article, but she found out three years ago that my thoughts go against the grain in social issues. The question that I have been ruminating over the last couple of months was initiated by a friend asking me over key lime pie (my favorite!) "Can one person give you everything?" She was caught in a relationship where she felt emotionally fulfilled but was sexually lacking.

Now here was my answer, and this is not as a counselor, educator, or student- because I would totally take the safe and neutral stance by saying "well there is a continuum on every level of life... so... " But as just me, I don't think so. I have always felt that it is a lot of pressure to ask one person to be compatible on every level of a relationship. Imagine the work and expectations! With that said I personally battle with commitment and have difficulty with the concept of being with one person "forever. Also, my intention is not to offend the die hard romantics, like my girly, who believe in ever lasting partnership. I am simply exploring the question "what can we truly ask of each other in an intimate relationship?"

When I was 21, I ask my adoptive mother if she had ever loved more than one person at a time, especially during decade of marriage. She said "attraction is a chemical experience that we cannot control, but what we do with it is another thing". It was the first time anyone had ever told me that in life people will always be attracted to others, but that it was a choice on how we decided to act upon it.

My mother, on the other hand, told me that humans are not built for one relationship for life- although she emphasized that to every rule there are many exceptions. With the world getting smaller and information flowing in a much more rapid pace, I find people are becoming all the more diverse and interesting. It is hard not to feel attracted to others or multiple people at once.

My girlfriend calls this a disease, which makes me laugh. She describes people who are attracted to more than one person (aka me) as being a sex obsessed and girl infatuated lesbians. And for some of us it's true, but I do believe there is a genuine LESBIAN LOVE TRIANGLE that happens on occasion that is innocent, accidental and lust based. After all, unless you live in a huge metropolitan city, lesbian community tends to be small, and the law of proximity says that the more time you spend with others the more likely you are to become attracted to them.

The question is whether or not this is cheating or a defective behavior. The answer is in your intentions. If you're looking for someone just to stir the pot of passion, or because you're one of those lesbian bed hoppers (with absolutely no judgment because I am one!), or are always wanting what you can't have... well then there might be more to your lesbian love triangle than just being attracted to another woman.

People have told me in the past that when they have been attracted to more than one person, it often feels like an infatuation. And the truth is when brain chemicals start stirring during the initial attraction phase you might as well be high. We feel like we could not live without that person and that in order to be happy we need them. We start to feel like our sex lives are better and feel more confident. The passion and intoxication we feel we have lost with one partner is being ignited but another woman. But when has anyone you know made a good choice when intoxicated- even when it's induced by lust.

If your relationship is open and you both have agreed on being able to date, love, or sleep with multiple people than it's not a problem (and make sure you are both practicing safe sex and getting tested regularly). But that is a rare and often not an egalitarian situation. Someone often ends up feeling left out or used/

So should you do if you're in a Love Lesbian Triangle? You probably need to take a step back and see what's happening in your life presently, and also remember:

1.Love has no motives- are you seeking something, such as lust, sex, or passion? If you are getting or benefiting from someone while hurting another there is no respect or allegiance towards either person you're involved with.

2.Love has no rewards, but the gift of commitment. You cannot ask of another fully, if you are giving half of yourself to someone else.

3.Love does not demand or expect- If you're in the "I WANT" state of mind and pushing your partner to be something they're not then you cannot love your partner as the ideal self.

4.Remembering that fantasy rarely matches reality. If you're having problems with your partner, your stuff will still go with you into another relationships, and the lezzie on the other side is not always greener!

At the end of the day if you are that torn about your feelings for your partner or another woman, take some time for yourself, maybe not being with anyone will help you figure out what it is you're chasing. Seek guidance from a therapist that will help you gain some insight into the relationship issues that are troubling you. If there is a real connection, then it won't just fade out because you're trying to make good and healthy decisions- trust in yourself to learn what's right for you.

"... The plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us." Melody Beattie

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

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I've Resolved the Gay Marriage Dilemma

First let me say I'm not personally invested in the issue, being neither gay nor married. But having been blessed with a wide range of super-powers, I've feel it's my duty to come to the aid of my fellow human beings in their hour of need.

Not long ago, when class warfare broke out between the job creators and the working poor over taxes, I took a momentary break from being one of America's favorite authors and worked out a solution, then forwarded it to New York Senator Charles Schumer via e-mail.

Although I received no thanks, recognition or parade in my honor, several weeks later President Obama brought up a proposal virtually identical to mine before Congress.

I still think a parade would have been nice.

So anyway, with this gay marriage issue polarizing this country, I've come up with a plan to fix it.

So here we go.

The issue is that the gay community wants to marry in the same manner as heterosexual couples and receive all the advantages and disadvantages that go with it.

Seems like a reasonable request.

However, the fact that more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce is like demanding the right to fly on an airline that crashes and burns every other time it take to the air. So it's obvious the problem has nothing to do with the sex of the people wanting to marry, it's with the institution itself.

What's wrong with marriage?

Everything.

Since time began marriage has been a religious ceremony. That's right, RELIGIOUS. Which means the state has no legal right to perform the service as it is a clear violation of the separation of church and state.

Second, modern day divorce laws are outdated, misogynistic, and seriously biased based on gender specific profiles that never had any scientific evidence to support them For example, women are almost automatically awarded custody of the children, yet there is no proof whatsoever that women are better able to raise children than men. Alimony was created to keep the ex-wife, (who, in the old days, was rarely educated or taught marketable skills) from starving and becoming homeless. Today more women graduate from medical school than men. Also needing to be scrapped is the old 'maintaining a life style to which one has become accustomed.'

Seriously?

Ever lose a high paying job and were unable to secure another with the same perks and pay scale? Was your former employer under any obligation to continue paying you that high salary until you got a new job? Ask any person over 40 working a fast food joint about that, odds are they'll have a tale that will send chills down your spine.

What we need to do is scrap the entire process and start from scratch.

Here's how it should be done.

The state discontinues performing marriages. Instead offers only co-habitation contracts to all couples, regardless of gender, wanting the advantages the former marriage agreement provided.

In those contracts, specific terms, conditions and personal responsibilities are laid out beforehand. Additions or subtractions could be inserted (similar to a pre-nup) according to the couples wishes. Then once the terms are agreed upon the co-hab contract would be registered with the state in the same manner former marriages were. At that point the couple would be allowed to check the 'Married" box on any legal form, tax form or job application and received the same benefits awarded to any religiously married couple. (Those who opt to be married in a religious ceremony would also have to apply for and receive a state approved co-habitation contract before being awarded that legal privilege.)

This way marriage gets redefined as a legal arrangement that provides the same benefits to all involved.

Seriously, a guy wearing a pointy hat, yarmulke or turban telling you in a loosely worded ceremony that you are now joined in matrimony dies not a legally binding agreement make.

Going this route solves two problems. One, everyone gets equal treatment under the law and race, gender, religion are no longer factors. Two, any religious institution willing to marry same sex couples could do so and those whose religious tenets prohibit it would be exempt without penalty.

This could be easily adopted by all 50 states, streamline the rights of all co-habituating couples and jettison the religious aspect without changing or involving the state in any of their rules and regulations. In fact, this process could easily be adopted by the entire world!

And if it is, well... All I can say is that there damn well better be a Zackary Richards float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade that year!

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The Basics of Gay Dating

As someone who's had some practice in the game of dating, you might feel that you will not need any kind of relationship advice. Whether you are straight, gay or bi, you will still have to take heed of words of wisdom concerning dating. it is a complex situation that can go either way. You might find yourself a bit stumped on what to do, much like any other individual, when you are out on a date with a good looking guy and you're simply wondering what to do to make a good impression. In spite of this, there's no have to put any huge stress on yourself. As a matter of fact, you can just relax and breathe easy, seeing as the following tips below should help you out:

- Always bear in mind that being you is a good thing. Many people often make the conclusion that trying to be someone you are not will make a great impression on others. However, you are just lying to yourself. You don't have to make up stories about your so-called achievements. This proves to be a pretty unattractive trait that'll simply get you nowhere with your date. The whole point of dating is for you and him to get to know each other a little better. Thus, it definitely helps to be a real individual, considering that you would like to develop a lot of respect between the both of you.

- Bear in mind that this is a date, and there must be a chat going in between certain activities. You wish to know more with him, therefore you need to ask him some questions. Do make sure that you actually listen to everything he's saying. The last thing any person would want is someone who's essentially a blank slate. Of course, this does not mean that you are just going to keep on listening for the whole duration of the date. As a matter of fact, this is your opportunity to tell more with yourself. Naturally, in relation to the tip mentioned above, be as authentic as possible. Both of you'll surely have several fun making efforts to get to know one another.

- And now for the golden rule: when engaged in gay dating, always keep in mind that you would like to treat him the way you yourself would want to be treated. Don't be rude. Be on time. Call him if you're going to be late.

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