Forming Healthy Gay Relationships

Boundaries:

One of the most important steps in finding a healthy relationship is setting boundaries. Without boundaries, expectations that may not be based in reality will be formed.

First, decide what they are and set them: Make sure that you both understand that, yes, the idea of running away together is a great idea, but that it may not be very effective to do that, today. Also boundaries need to be set on acceptable times to text, call or message, as well as when to visit and when not to visit.

Another very important boundary is visitation. If you only want to, or are only able to, see him on the weekend, let him know so that false expectations aren't created.

One of the last boundary issues is communication. Communication is key, if you can't communicate with him because he is just too gorgeous, then the relationship will probably only be based on sex. So if you are expecting more you need to perhaps look for someone else.

Lifestyle Compatibility: More than Just Sex

Another step in finding and maintaining a healthy relationship is just checking out your compatibility, not only in the bedroom; sexual compatibility is key, but also lifestyle compatibility.

Compatibility: If you are 90% introverted and he is 90% extroverted there are going to be seriously dilemmas that will be faced in your relationship. You may want to spend Friday with friends watching movies at the house, while he may want to spend Friday with friends dancing at the club. This could cause serious issues within your relationship. However, the real test is deciding what is important to you, creating a list, and seeing how many of those important qualities he has that you are looking for.

Communication: Yeah, he may be hot, but is that all he is? Hot without substance gets old after a short time. Do you communicate well? Do you have chemistry? Is conversation forced or does it flow naturally? Do you have to hold back the things that you talk about or can you be completely open?

Persona Non-Grata: Is your soon to be partner one dimensional or is he multifaceted? If he is one dimensional are you okay with the being the driving force in his life, as well as your life? Are there things about him that stand out as red flags but you are just too blind, or horny to see them? Those annoyances that bug you now when things are starting out could turn into huge flashpoints as your relationship advances.

Spirituality Not Religion: Are you and your partner compatible spiritually? If you believe in a very rigid doctrine and believe that going to church on Sunday is necessary to having a healthy lifestyle but your partner thinks that it should be something very personal, this is going to cause issues. It is said that a family that prays together stays together.

Friendship: It is often said that many relationships fail because a stable friendship was not built. There is truth in that statement and building a sex-free friendship is not as hard as one might think.

Helping one another: This aspect is more than just grabbing an extra latte when at Starbucks. This is about being there when your partner needs you to be there, and vice versa. If you are continually, going over to help change a lightbulb, but when you need something done he always has something else to do, this may not be the best match for you. Think about how this would be later on in an actual relationship.

Conversation: Conversation is more than communication. Conversation is the ability to sit in a room alone for hours and talk about anything and everything. Conversation should never be forced. If you are finding yourself forcing the conversation issue you need to look and wonder if your beau is actually all that compatible with you.

Family: This is a very important part of any relationship and is the one aspect that most often leads to people going their separate ways. If you have a large, supportive family, and he has a family that is unsupportive or even, non-existent, it may be hard to have a good solid foundation. Why? Because he will view your family's involvement in your lives as an intrusion. You need to make sure that he is okay from the start with a large, supportive family and see where it goes from there. Just remember, also, just because you believe him to be the best thing since sliced bread, doesn't necessarily mean that your family will view him in the same light.

Friends: This could be classified in family, but remember friends can be a greater source of support than your family. You can pick your friends, but not your family, and as such, people tend to be closer and more honest with those friends that are closest to them. If you have many friends and he has very few, your lover-in-waiting may start to become jealous at the amount of time that you spend with all of them.

Education: This is a no-brainer. If your partner has no educational background or no ambitions to better himself, then chances are, this is going to become a huge issue in your relationship.

Socialization: Are you the quiet type, and your partner the life of the party? Does it bother you that he is a huge flirt and you are not? Does he mind that you are okay sitting in the corner by yourself, why he runs off and glad-hands everybody in sight? If so this may be a problem for you. Finding happiness and balance in your life is about finding someone that you are compatible with. If you or he, are not big socializers then social functions need to be placed in the only-go-in-case-of-social-emergency category.

Intellectualism: If all your partner does is use his head as a place to rest his ankles, and you are wanting something more, this may well be a problem. The ability to understand each other is key in so many ways. Communication and conversation are two aspects at play here, but so is the ability to talk about something other than how tight his jeans are. You need to make sure that you are intellectually compatible. If your idea of poetry is Walt Whitman and his idea is the writing inside the bathroom stalls, things may be a little difficult for you.

Emotional Synergy: Having emotional compatibility is more than who cries more or who doesn't cry at all. What you have to look at is who is the rock and who is the one that wants to be held. Or even better, if you are lucky enough, if both of you are versatile and able to play that role. It also is about the capacity to love another human being. Many relationships fail because one side of the arrangement find themselves constitutionally incapable of loving, or even being loved by another person. Additionally, you would want to look out for the black hole of unrequited love; that can happen when some people are natural givers.

Baggage: We all have it and there is a saying, that it's not the amount of baggage that you have, its finding someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. You have to be okay with the baggage that your partner is bringing on the journey of your new found life. You have to accept that responsibility to help him carry his baggage and understand that there may be certain places, things, events, or even people that are very baggage-centric to your partner.

Passion: Not only in the bedroom, kitchen, park, or on the train, but also in life. Passion is how that person views life and whether you are comfortable with their outlook. if you're not a pessimistic person and he is, this outlook may not bode well for you. Additionally, it is how he approaches life different from ambition. How many times has life knocked you down, and you got back up? Has your partner ever experienced anything like that?

Ambition: This is key, if you have visions of vineyards bouncing through your head and he has visions of bouncing grapes off of tables, this may present a problem also. Ambition is how that person views life. He may be a dreamer and that is okay, as long as you have the willpower and constitution to keep him grounded.

The following was just a short list and not nearly all inclusive of some of the things that you need to look at when looking for a partner. But what is lacking here is a plan to put it all together to make it balanceable and enjoyable for your life, as well as the life of your partner. Finding that person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with is not an easy task and chances are you will not find them at a bar at 1:30 in the morning on a Friday night. It is possible, yes, but how much can you truly learn about someone when you have 8 or 10 drinks in you, and all you can think about is the bulge in his pants?

Solid Ground Or Shaky Starts:

It is vital that your relationships start out on solid ground, and this can't be stressed enough, without sex playing a role in the foundation of your relationship. There is no set time limit on the formation of the friendship aspect of the relationship, but it is very important.

In most cases your friendship will start with a shared activity or a shared experience. From that point it will begin to grow on levels that you never thought possible. Progressively you will grow together and start to share some of the great things in life. You may take in a show or play, go for a walk, or even things as trivial as going to the bookstore or going to get coffee. As your friendship grows honesty, becomes key in everything that you do. If there are feelings of attraction, it is best to make them known, and set realistic expectations for the outcome of the friendship.

It is important at this admission of attraction to continue on with your friendship, as this will allow a deeper connection and also allow things to flow naturally. There is nothing worse for a budding relationship then to rush things. A lot of us do that, especially when we get caught up in the moment of that person that we are sharing considerable more time with. Our minds start to ponder "what if" moments and we begin to dream of a possible future with that person. This in turn makes us want to force the issue and see where it will go.

Forget the "Burning Bush", You Will Know:

You will know when the time is right; angel's will not sing, nor will the heavens open upon you, but you will just know in your heart when that time is now and when it is time to take it to the next level.

That next level though shouldn't be sex, and instead should be intimacy. This is another aspect of a healthy relationship that people often overlook. In our lust we often go from desire of the body to sampling of the body, without working on a key part of the puzzle: getting to understand all of the nuances that are necessary to create a long, lasting bond of two people.

Intimacy:

It all starts with a kiss or so we are told, but that is not exactly true. Intimacy is more than just a physical reaction to the desires that we feel. It is about touch, glances, stares, the way that person walks, sits or even lays on the couch. It is about all of the little things that go into making that person the person of our dreams. Intimacy begins with a touch, perhaps an accidental brush of the hand along the arm, which then causes some form of reaction. Perhaps it is the proverbial spark that we all hear about that begins our journey of intimacy.

Eventually, that brush turns into a blatant grab of the hand or a longer than normal gaze in his eyes, and we start to see the heat turning up. This is the danger zone. You are working on intimacy but at the same time, you are working yourself up. In your hormone driven mind, the only release that you can think of is sex, but it is best to wait at this point. Again, there is no set time period for waiting. Only you and your partner know what that time is, but once it comes to that you get to move into the next part of building a healthy relationship, one that we all enjoy, sex.

Screw the Labels: Find What Works

A healthy sex life is important to any relationship. However you need to look at your situation and decide what is best for you. A lot of people want to put labels such as top, bottom, or versatile, but at this point in your relationship, it may just be that the labels that once defined you are no longer valid. Perhaps things are different in this actual relationship and you want to just explore the body of your partner or allow him to explore yours with all of the zeal at your disposal.

This is something that can only be decided at that time or over the course of time. Don't box yourself into one specific role as you never know what may be under the sheets waiting for you. Experiment, have fun and be safe, but also keep in mind that you have built a relationship like none other that you have experienced at this point, so keep it going, instead of reverting back to old habits and practices.

Open versus Closed versus Group:

Another issue that probably should be talked about before this stage actually, is what type of relationship are you looking for. Hopefully you will have discussed this during your courtship but remember this is a compatibility issue. If you are looking for a long-term monogamous relationship and he is looking for a very short-term trist, then obviously things are not going to work out all that well. So it is important to know what you are getting into before you get into him too much.

But that being said, the type of relationship that you want is based solely on the desires of each partner in the relationship. Having multiple partners but being emotionally monogamous, also called an open-relationship is something that many have tried, and many have failed at. It is not the best form of relationship, but there are cases where it works.

The same thing can be said for group sex. There are cases where it works fabulously, but then there are cases where eventually one partner may tire of the situation and want something more permanent, whereas the other partner wants to continue on in this fashion.

Figure "It" Out and Find What Works:

This is not a comprehensive work on relationships however, this is just a guideline to help you on your way to finding that person that compliments you in every possible way. The challenges are always enormous but if you keep a level head, use some of the advice given here and just keep your eyes open and up, things could work out the way that you want and you will be on your way to creating and maintaining a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

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Lasting Lesbian Relationships

Writing about key ingredients of successful relationships is fairly easy. However, finding good examples of successful lesbian relationships is not as easy. Relationships, regardless if they are same-sex or heterosexual, are challenging. They demand commitment, attention and perseverance. Then on top of the usual challenges of relationships, the same-sex couples have to contend with the intrusion of societal pressures and attitudes.

Frequently, I am asked, "Why do lesbian relationships seem to not last longer than 3 years?" I am not certain that is necessarily true. Long-term lesbian relationships often go unnoticed because they are not involved in community drama! They maintain normal, balanced lives that emanate stability.

Sure, there are lesbians who enter relationships with "exit plans"; they are prepared for things to not work out. The relationship's demise may be attributed to ignorance about how-to live as a couple. For instance, they do not have joint plans or ownership about anything. They maintain inventory of who owns what: furniture, kitchen stuff, lawnmower, grill, office desk, bedding, etc. They do not plan their lives together; they do not grow together; they do not dream together.

The length of a relationship does not always mean it is happily successful. Some couples stay together because they fear the unknown of separation more than they dread staying together. However, for those lesbian couples who are blessed with happy relationships, have highlighted key elements that contribute to their success:

Lots of love - Keep the passion alive

Compatibility on key issues - Politics, religion, kids, purchases, money

Communication - Listen and try to understand

Remember the Small Things - Show that you pay attention to details and to what is important

Trust - Have no secrets and be transparent

Respect - Appreciate each other and have an equal partnership

Consideration - Put her first in your world

Date Night - Keep the romance alive - Get off the couch!

Make each other top priority

Say you're sorry and Mean it

Compassion and Empathy - Try to understand and see her perspective

Sense of Humor - It will get you through the ups and downs

Patience - Allow Tolerance

Flexibility - Rigidity only creates issues.

Balance Individual Interests and Joint Interests - Make time for both. Do not compete with each other.

It is possible to have a lasting lesbian relationship. There are many loving lesbian couples to prove it. You have to be willing to live as a couple; be willing to concern yourself with the needs and well-being of another.

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Judging Against Same Sex Marriage

I Think Everyone Has the right to love and be with and marry who ever of their choosing! WE DO NOT have the right to push our believes on any one! Think about this. Our first Mother and father was Adam and Eve. if you really want to get deep about it.

It was first Adam and Lilith. Genesis 1:27 - "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" but God didn't create Eve til Genesis 2:22 "And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." At least to the Jews. The Jews don't have a concept of Satan like the Christians do, so when they read about the Fall of Mankind (in the Garden of Eden), they identify the Serpent NOT with Satan but with somebody else--a demon named Lilith (based on the Hebrew word for "night"). Lilith was Adam's wife BEFORE Eve, but the couple split because Lilith refused to be subordinate to Adam.

When Eve was created, Lilith became jealous and sought her revenge against humanity by tempting Eve to eat the fruit. Lilith continued to be a figure in Jewish mysticism long after the Biblical text was written. She was personified as a baby-snatcher (thus, newborns had to be protected from Lilith using ceremonial magic), as well as something of a night-rapist. Men who had nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) were said to have been visited by Lilith. It is understandable, then, why the Jews considered nocturnal emissions unclean. And if you really want to pull teeth. Who is Cane's Wife? Adam and Eve had at least 3 sons (Cain, Abel & Seth) that were named, and God knows how many other sons and daughters, and since this event(if it occurred at all) predated Deuteronomy law, it would be perfectly alright for Cain to take a sister as wife.

I really think that we all have a gene that is dormant then one day someone in their family has someone who is ether gay lesbian or bi sexual and maybe rejects them due to them being that way they are forcing the issue that it is a choice then labeling it as a sin! I know the argument. God said Be fruitful and multiply, not be the fruit and die! He created it all everything! WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD NO MATTER WHO WE ARE OR WHAT WE DO OR BELIEVE IN! IT IS NOT OUR PLACE TO JUDGE ANYONE IN ANY WAY! Remember this... Matt 7:2-5 "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged [if we judge with an evil heart or dark intent, His judgment of us will reflect it; if we judge nobly with honesty and justice, His judgment of us will reflect that, too], and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you [if we use extremes or exaggerations or other ignoble means, His judgment of us will reflect it and judging with fairness and compassion will garner likewise in His judgment of us]. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye [point out his sins, "minor" in Jesus' example here] and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye [our own sins, even and especially those we will not admit, magnified by our selective blindness]? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' [tell him of his "minor" sins] when all the time there is a plank in your own eye [that there are greater or the same sins in our own lives which we do nothing about or think we are above]?

You hypocrite* [pointing out the sins of others while by pretense thinking of ourselves as above sin], first take the plank out of your own eye [sincerely ask the Lord for forgiveness and learn and live the Truth and Light by His Word], and then you will see clearly [be in a righteous position] to remove the speck from your brother's eye [to judge and to help him out of his bondage to sin]." At Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea and the region across the Jordan, Jesus was talking to the multitudes gathered there after hearing of His message and of His healings to beseech them to not become like the pharisees and hypocrites who think they are above sin. And I'm Straight as an arrow!

* Jesus' use of "hypocrite" in this verse is "hupokrites" meaning an actor, stage player, a dissembler, pretender.

And, as a FEW examples of His desire for us to judge,

1Cor. 6:2-3 Do you not know that the saints [the saved; Christians] will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life!
Prov. 3:21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight;
John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.
Jer. 22:3 Thus saith the LORD; Execute ye judgment and righteousness...
Phil. 1:10 so that you may be able to discern [judge] what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ...
Phil. 1:7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you [judge you]...

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Top 3 Lesbian Dating Tips for You Two to Consider Before You Cohabitate and Wed Each Other

All too many singles, whether lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or straight, start their romantic relationships with exclusively considering their mutual romantic chemistry. Chemistry in a romantic relationship is, of course, essential, thank you very much.

However, when you are looking to attract, create, and nurture a life partner relationship, there is so much more involved that just sizzling mutual attraction. Am I right, or am I right?

Many couples will get to the next phase of a relationship right after that wonderful infatuation stage (caused by chemistry) has passed. And because they didn't do any relationship communication foundation building, they hit a wall, find there is no other mode of communication in their relationship, and, sadly, they break up. There is that wonderful joke from the 1980s about what does the modern lesbian bring on her first date to make it a perfect first date? Answer: A U-Haul.

But, after the first surge of chemistry and sparks on your first few dates, what other topics do the two of you want to look to discuss, surface, and investigate to form the wonderful foundation for a lasting life partner love relationship?

First Question for Couples to Consider: What Will Be Your Mutual Living Environment?

What kind of living environment do you have now, and what kind of living environment do you want in the near future - next 10 years?

Maybe you live in a metro city apartment. However, your vision and goal is to own a townhouse and to move to the suburbs. Is her vision to live further out in the country? Discuss these things, and talk about your dreams to see if they are compatible and practically aligned.

Most often, frankly, two singles' visions will be a bit different. This is not an immediate "red flag" or "sign" that you should break up and never build a deeper relationship. Instead, it offers the two of you both an opportunity to communicate and dig a bit further to see if your lives could become aligned. Maybe part of what she values about living in the country is some acreage and a garden, and you two could have that together in a small house rather than exclusively in a townhouse. Look for what is underneath her location desire.

A Good Second Question for Romantic Couples to Reflect Upon: What Will Be the Shared Lifestyle For Your Marriage Relationship?

You love Opera and hold an annual subscription for the season while she has a secret love of Country & Western music and sings karaoke once a month down at the local saloon. On the surface, OK, this is amusing and funny. You might think that your tastes are highly divergent and that you two could therefore then never share a life together. However, what you two do share is a mutual love of singing and music. See what I mean?

You would have to work things out a bit. Does she want you to join her monthly at the local bar? Couldn't you just do that and just have a fun time, cheer her on, and applaud as her #1 fan? And do you want her to accompany you maybe only 4 times a year at the Opera as your favorite escort to the Opening Night Gala, and you go with a group of your Opera loving friends the other times?

Third Important Question for Couples to Discuss: What About Your Shared Coupledom Finances?

Differing talents and strengths do attract. She might be a CPA with significant structure, strategy, and system, while you take a more laissez-faire approach. In all likelihood, she adores how you contribute a sense of fun and adventure to her life while she adds some structure and is a good sounding board, helping you to say "No" to yourself a bit more than you otherwise would. These sort of differences the two of you do need to discuss. You also need to discuss differences in income, investing, 401Ks, IRAs, and retirement plans.

Just because there are differences, those need not be points for breaking up. Rather they can serve to become points for deepening your relationship for lasting emotional intimacy on top of that marvelous physical chemistry intimacy you two share. Often our differences are what contribute to romantic chemistry.

There is so much for couples to discuss and communicate about to building lasting intimacy. These tips and topics should serve the two of you well to creating a lifetime of love together.

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Lesbian Love Triangle

My girlfriend is going to skin me alive after she reads this article, but she found out three years ago that my thoughts go against the grain in social issues. The question that I have been ruminating over the last couple of months was initiated by a friend asking me over key lime pie (my favorite!) "Can one person give you everything?" She was caught in a relationship where she felt emotionally fulfilled but was sexually lacking.

Now here was my answer, and this is not as a counselor, educator, or student- because I would totally take the safe and neutral stance by saying "well there is a continuum on every level of life... so... " But as just me, I don't think so. I have always felt that it is a lot of pressure to ask one person to be compatible on every level of a relationship. Imagine the work and expectations! With that said I personally battle with commitment and have difficulty with the concept of being with one person "forever. Also, my intention is not to offend the die hard romantics, like my girly, who believe in ever lasting partnership. I am simply exploring the question "what can we truly ask of each other in an intimate relationship?"

When I was 21, I ask my adoptive mother if she had ever loved more than one person at a time, especially during decade of marriage. She said "attraction is a chemical experience that we cannot control, but what we do with it is another thing". It was the first time anyone had ever told me that in life people will always be attracted to others, but that it was a choice on how we decided to act upon it.

My mother, on the other hand, told me that humans are not built for one relationship for life- although she emphasized that to every rule there are many exceptions. With the world getting smaller and information flowing in a much more rapid pace, I find people are becoming all the more diverse and interesting. It is hard not to feel attracted to others or multiple people at once.

My girlfriend calls this a disease, which makes me laugh. She describes people who are attracted to more than one person (aka me) as being a sex obsessed and girl infatuated lesbians. And for some of us it's true, but I do believe there is a genuine LESBIAN LOVE TRIANGLE that happens on occasion that is innocent, accidental and lust based. After all, unless you live in a huge metropolitan city, lesbian community tends to be small, and the law of proximity says that the more time you spend with others the more likely you are to become attracted to them.

The question is whether or not this is cheating or a defective behavior. The answer is in your intentions. If you're looking for someone just to stir the pot of passion, or because you're one of those lesbian bed hoppers (with absolutely no judgment because I am one!), or are always wanting what you can't have... well then there might be more to your lesbian love triangle than just being attracted to another woman.

People have told me in the past that when they have been attracted to more than one person, it often feels like an infatuation. And the truth is when brain chemicals start stirring during the initial attraction phase you might as well be high. We feel like we could not live without that person and that in order to be happy we need them. We start to feel like our sex lives are better and feel more confident. The passion and intoxication we feel we have lost with one partner is being ignited but another woman. But when has anyone you know made a good choice when intoxicated- even when it's induced by lust.

If your relationship is open and you both have agreed on being able to date, love, or sleep with multiple people than it's not a problem (and make sure you are both practicing safe sex and getting tested regularly). But that is a rare and often not an egalitarian situation. Someone often ends up feeling left out or used/

So should you do if you're in a Love Lesbian Triangle? You probably need to take a step back and see what's happening in your life presently, and also remember:

1.Love has no motives- are you seeking something, such as lust, sex, or passion? If you are getting or benefiting from someone while hurting another there is no respect or allegiance towards either person you're involved with.

2.Love has no rewards, but the gift of commitment. You cannot ask of another fully, if you are giving half of yourself to someone else.

3.Love does not demand or expect- If you're in the "I WANT" state of mind and pushing your partner to be something they're not then you cannot love your partner as the ideal self.

4.Remembering that fantasy rarely matches reality. If you're having problems with your partner, your stuff will still go with you into another relationships, and the lezzie on the other side is not always greener!

At the end of the day if you are that torn about your feelings for your partner or another woman, take some time for yourself, maybe not being with anyone will help you figure out what it is you're chasing. Seek guidance from a therapist that will help you gain some insight into the relationship issues that are troubling you. If there is a real connection, then it won't just fade out because you're trying to make good and healthy decisions- trust in yourself to learn what's right for you.

"... The plan will happen in spite of us, not because of us." Melody Beattie

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

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I've Resolved the Gay Marriage Dilemma

First let me say I'm not personally invested in the issue, being neither gay nor married. But having been blessed with a wide range of super-powers, I've feel it's my duty to come to the aid of my fellow human beings in their hour of need.

Not long ago, when class warfare broke out between the job creators and the working poor over taxes, I took a momentary break from being one of America's favorite authors and worked out a solution, then forwarded it to New York Senator Charles Schumer via e-mail.

Although I received no thanks, recognition or parade in my honor, several weeks later President Obama brought up a proposal virtually identical to mine before Congress.

I still think a parade would have been nice.

So anyway, with this gay marriage issue polarizing this country, I've come up with a plan to fix it.

So here we go.

The issue is that the gay community wants to marry in the same manner as heterosexual couples and receive all the advantages and disadvantages that go with it.

Seems like a reasonable request.

However, the fact that more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce is like demanding the right to fly on an airline that crashes and burns every other time it take to the air. So it's obvious the problem has nothing to do with the sex of the people wanting to marry, it's with the institution itself.

What's wrong with marriage?

Everything.

Since time began marriage has been a religious ceremony. That's right, RELIGIOUS. Which means the state has no legal right to perform the service as it is a clear violation of the separation of church and state.

Second, modern day divorce laws are outdated, misogynistic, and seriously biased based on gender specific profiles that never had any scientific evidence to support them For example, women are almost automatically awarded custody of the children, yet there is no proof whatsoever that women are better able to raise children than men. Alimony was created to keep the ex-wife, (who, in the old days, was rarely educated or taught marketable skills) from starving and becoming homeless. Today more women graduate from medical school than men. Also needing to be scrapped is the old 'maintaining a life style to which one has become accustomed.'

Seriously?

Ever lose a high paying job and were unable to secure another with the same perks and pay scale? Was your former employer under any obligation to continue paying you that high salary until you got a new job? Ask any person over 40 working a fast food joint about that, odds are they'll have a tale that will send chills down your spine.

What we need to do is scrap the entire process and start from scratch.

Here's how it should be done.

The state discontinues performing marriages. Instead offers only co-habitation contracts to all couples, regardless of gender, wanting the advantages the former marriage agreement provided.

In those contracts, specific terms, conditions and personal responsibilities are laid out beforehand. Additions or subtractions could be inserted (similar to a pre-nup) according to the couples wishes. Then once the terms are agreed upon the co-hab contract would be registered with the state in the same manner former marriages were. At that point the couple would be allowed to check the 'Married" box on any legal form, tax form or job application and received the same benefits awarded to any religiously married couple. (Those who opt to be married in a religious ceremony would also have to apply for and receive a state approved co-habitation contract before being awarded that legal privilege.)

This way marriage gets redefined as a legal arrangement that provides the same benefits to all involved.

Seriously, a guy wearing a pointy hat, yarmulke or turban telling you in a loosely worded ceremony that you are now joined in matrimony dies not a legally binding agreement make.

Going this route solves two problems. One, everyone gets equal treatment under the law and race, gender, religion are no longer factors. Two, any religious institution willing to marry same sex couples could do so and those whose religious tenets prohibit it would be exempt without penalty.

This could be easily adopted by all 50 states, streamline the rights of all co-habituating couples and jettison the religious aspect without changing or involving the state in any of their rules and regulations. In fact, this process could easily be adopted by the entire world!

And if it is, well... All I can say is that there damn well better be a Zackary Richards float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade that year!

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The Basics of Gay Dating

As someone who's had some practice in the game of dating, you might feel that you will not need any kind of relationship advice. Whether you are straight, gay or bi, you will still have to take heed of words of wisdom concerning dating. it is a complex situation that can go either way. You might find yourself a bit stumped on what to do, much like any other individual, when you are out on a date with a good looking guy and you're simply wondering what to do to make a good impression. In spite of this, there's no have to put any huge stress on yourself. As a matter of fact, you can just relax and breathe easy, seeing as the following tips below should help you out:

- Always bear in mind that being you is a good thing. Many people often make the conclusion that trying to be someone you are not will make a great impression on others. However, you are just lying to yourself. You don't have to make up stories about your so-called achievements. This proves to be a pretty unattractive trait that'll simply get you nowhere with your date. The whole point of dating is for you and him to get to know each other a little better. Thus, it definitely helps to be a real individual, considering that you would like to develop a lot of respect between the both of you.

- Bear in mind that this is a date, and there must be a chat going in between certain activities. You wish to know more with him, therefore you need to ask him some questions. Do make sure that you actually listen to everything he's saying. The last thing any person would want is someone who's essentially a blank slate. Of course, this does not mean that you are just going to keep on listening for the whole duration of the date. As a matter of fact, this is your opportunity to tell more with yourself. Naturally, in relation to the tip mentioned above, be as authentic as possible. Both of you'll surely have several fun making efforts to get to know one another.

- And now for the golden rule: when engaged in gay dating, always keep in mind that you would like to treat him the way you yourself would want to be treated. Don't be rude. Be on time. Call him if you're going to be late.

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